I Wish I Was A Normal Girl

 I wish I was easy to love.

I wish I don’t have this baggage.

I wish you could safely in love with me, because I'm like any other decent women.

I wish I was coming from a decent family.

I wish I was never having this mental illness.

I wish you don’t have to push me away, I wish its safe to fall in love with me.

I wish it’s just so easy to love me, because I have a normal family, and nomal mental state.

I wish you could proud of me because I not what I am today.

I wish you could safely told your parents about me.

I wish you could safely fall in love with me….

Why the past should stay in the past

Been ugly crying in my prayers, asking God pleaseeee, at least make me once again, met him. And God in His Crown mocking me, by giving me the chance to meet him one more time, and all the lust, the thirst, the passion that was there, now gone. None. Zero. It’s just a bunch of memory. It feels like he still the same but everything about him is change.

 

He dont want me anymore. I miss us, and that’s what I need to separated, between the person and the memories. The memories stay the same, and the person is just not the person I used to met two years ago.

 

There’s no regret, I'm just glad that he is fine. I do really hope you’re doing okay, it’s been nice knowing you. I really hope you find someone you really want. That ex you want so much, you finally got her, I really hope you get her back. Good bye, i hope your life will always full with joy and love😊

Rumah Mbah Kakung Dijual.

Mbak Lona bilang kostan bakal dijual. Terus bilang lagi udah ada yang beli. Tercekat. Tapi nggak bisa ngapa-ngapain. Dari awal makhluk itu minta ganti nama, aku tau kalau ini bakal terjadi. Mbah Uti belum meninggal, tapi peninggalan Mbah Kakung sudah dijual.

 

Teringat waktu Mbah Kakung bilang “anak putuku, tak sangoni lemah, omah karo kost-kostan dinggo urip” sekarang sudah terjual. Sakit, dan pedih. Banyak kenangan disana, sekarang untuk kembali ke kampung pun dadaku terasa sakit. Berpikir akan masuk kedalam rumah itu lagi, tahu bahwa disamping rumah bukan lagi punya Mbah Kakung pun terasa menyakitkan.

 

Hancur rasanya, maaf Mbah Kakung, cucumu tidak bisa mempertahankan rumah yang kau wasiatkan, maafkan aku Mbah.

 

Betapa sakitnya hidup dirumah yang omonganmu tidak didengar, perasaanmu tidak valid, apapun yang kami katakan atau rasakan tidak diindahkan. Aku berharap semoga bisa segera mempunyai cukup uang untuk membeli kembali milik Mbak Kakung.

 

Sabar ya Mbah, tunggu aku sama Mbak Lona cari duit dulu ya, nanti aku ambil lagi rumahnya. Aku sayang Mbah Kakung.